The Disruption of Retirement
So interesting. I recently read a post on LinkedIn about trusting your inner voice, and fine tuning it. The comments broke down by gender: the men said unanimously not to trust your inner voice, it is usually inaccurate, and to just look at the facts. The women found the usefulness in it, listened to the advice given, and several had asked themselves the suggested questions and gained clearer insight into their intuition.
I think that there is something to learn from both the men and the women, however. I ask clients to think what they are passionate about. This can seem a little glib. I am sure there are some people who could answer those questions easily, showing a deep appreciation for what they feel and what they really are passionate about. I am not one of them. When someone asks me that question I first come up with a blank, then if I am in a situation where I need to give an answer, my mind is rushing to make something up, whether it is truly what I am passionate about, or just sounds good.
On a day-to-day basis we are all doing the best we can with the circumstances of our lives. When I have needed to change my financial situation, for instance, I have looked not so much at my passion, as to what I am good at, what my skills are, and who will hire me. At those times I never felt like I had the luxury to indulge in my passion. Apart from my long-held passion for women having equity in leadership, I have a passion for socializing and having fun – not necessarily useful when I need to pay the rent or the mortgage and put food on the table.
What is your passion seems a very first-world question. Someone struggling in Malawi or a village in Egypt might have dreams, might have passions, but front of mind is how to eat and to stay alive. Hopefully if you are reading this you have a good job or a thriving business and are looking at what your life would look like if you were to contemplate retirement.
If you do have a good job or a thriving business, you would probably answer the question about whether you have meaning in your life with a resounding yes. With retirement comes the question that if you don’t have that job or business, what will you do? What will have you jump out of bed in the morning. The pleasure of tennis, travel and grandkids soon wears off and you are left with 20 or 30 years of 24-hour days to fill. What will you do? How will you feel that you matter, that you have relevance.
On the one hand, I am a proponent of having a balance that includes working and retirement. They are not necessarily mutually exclusive. I built and ran a successful management consulting firm, and although I have no interest in doing that again, I did enjoy the one-on-one coaching component of my work. So after I had a few months of rest, I started a new business which was just that coaching piece. It gives me plenty of time to do my spiritual work and stretching exercises before I meet the world in the morning, enjoy my new social group while playing Mah Jongg, and spend time with my husband, plus some travel. My ideal life.
I didn’t get here with a snap of the fingers. My last retirement (my third), was from the nonprofit I founded, 50/50 Leadership. I had been very passionate about the empowerment of women, particularly in the area of leadership. We are half the population, surely it makes sense we should be half the leaders, which we are not. I spent over seventeen years at the helm of the organization, the last four as its full time CEO/Executive Director. In the fourth year, I was hit with Covid, which turned into long-covid and I was not able to adequately continue my duties. I was so delighted at what the organization was doing, but I knew that I had to turn the reins over.
Not an easy task. For seventeen years I had loved it and nurtured it, pridefully appreciated the successes and the kudos and the impact we had for so many. I had taken the hits from various board members who had plenty to say but not necessarily plenty of contributions; I had mentored many volunteers and interns; seen it grow, sometimes slowly, sometimes with a burst of energy. Letting go at first felt like I would be cutting a part of myself out of me, giving up who I knew myself to be. What would I have left? Who would I be? What the heck would I do?
I have always used coaches for myself, as well as coaching others, so I turned to one of them for help because I know the value of having someone on my team when I go so deep inside to be able to answer these questions. My first task was to write out what I had accomplished with 50/50 Leadership, and the impact that it had. This was perhaps the best part of the journey because I was amazed at the size of the impact. When in the trenches day to day, I didn’t think about the successes, just the work yet to be done; the mountain yet to climb, not the range of mountains already scaled.
With the boost I got from that, I was also able to then look at the impact 50/50 Leadership had on me, how I had grown over the years thanks to the organization – and yes, the board members.
Where then did this leave me? How could I leave the organization? Did I still want to have any part in it? I could just as easily have decided to stay on as Chair of the Board, or some other such title, but after this thorough internal work, I realized that I was, indeed, complete. I could close the book on this part of my life. I would have no more to do with 50/50- Leadership other than to design my exit and, hopefully, its continuance. When I gave the Board my decision and let them know that they had six months to replace me, I felt even better about my decision. I had no regrets. I didn’t wonder if I was making the right decision. I just knew that I had six months to do everything that needed to be done for me to leave.
The following six months were intense and it wasn’t until near the end that I knew with any certainty that 50/50 Leadership would continue to exist and do its work. When I had been considering the decision, I had to look at the options for the organization, which included closing it down. Although I was willing to do that, I sure didn’t want that to happen, so I doubled down on my efforts to ensure the succession happened.
When the date came and I left, I was so tired that the first thing I really needed was to rest. From my experience, I thought that a couple of weeks would be more than enough. It wasn’t. It turned out to be three months.
While I was doing the emotional work that led me out of 50/50 Leadership, I simultaneously looked at what was next for me. My grandchildren do not live close by, I don’t play tennis any more, and I like to do things that challenge me intellectually as well as being meaningful. I had a couple of ideas. The first was to return to my career in management consulting, but this time to work with small business owners on having their companies be sustainable, or green. This, I thought was a good choice because of my experience as a consultant, and my interest in helping the planet. I went to some seminars and webinars and did computer research on the field. It didn’t take me long to realize this didn’t sound at all fun or interesting to me. Scrap that idea.
The second idea that I thought worth entertaining was around blockchain technology. None of my friends or colleagues knew much about, much less understood cryptocurrency or NFTs, and as I was curious myself, I dove into it. I love learning so this was fun, finding out some of the many uses of the technology other than for crypto currencies, and also about the cryptocurrency world. I started a blog so that as I found out more, I could share it with friends and colleagues. In the meantime, I was coaching a colleague on retiring. She was not sure if she could or should, nor did she have any clarity about what that would look like. She did successfully retire from her job, took up consulting and found she had time left to play with her grandchildren, swim, move house, and otherwise put together a life that she loves.
When I was musing about whether I should stay in the crypto field, she suggested that as I was so good at coaching her in retiring, maybe I should coach others, to help them ease into their retirement. Bingo. I immediately felt lit up and knew this was what I was going to do for the next few years. I once again had a purpose and a mission and I haven’t looked back.
You might have the answers to what’s next inside you, or you might get it through conversations, or from the internal, heart-centered work that I have discussed here. Everyone will find it differently, there is no one right way, nor one right answer. The ideas, and the way to find the right one for you, are as varied as snowflakes.
What is consistent throughout is finding your inner voice, listening to it, encouraging it, and letting the idea that will light you up come through. It will come, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but it will come if you will take the time to listen. The men say “just the facts”, what they are missing is the juicy authenticity of your own intuition.
When you are ready to tackle questions like when and where to retire, there are ways we can help. We have Feisty & Fearless Over Fifty Circles and Personal, one-on-one coaching.
With membership in Feisty & Fearless Over Fifty Circles, and with Personal Coaching you will
Identify just what you want your retirement to look like
Relief from the uncertainty of retirement
Effective tools and information to move forward
Questions that may seem intense, and will bring forth transformative answers
Tasks to take on between each session to help you achieve the results you are looking for
Build a life of joy, fulfillment and satisfaction
A roadmap for Living the Good Life
If you would like to find out more and set up a free, initial call, send me an email at pfield@coach4women.com
