… And What About My Aging Parents
One day the boss is giving you a hard time, your team isn’t getting their work done quickly enough, and the pressure is getting to you. What if I could chuck it all in? Do I have enough money to retire?
As you start down that road thinking of the priorities on your bucket list, you are stopped short because not only do you still have children that are not yet fully independent, but your parents are now in their 80’s and 90’s and need more and more of your time and yes, your financial resources.
You are not alone. With aging parents there are many things to consider.
The physical logistics of where they live and who will take care of them,
The financial element of whether they have enough to pay for the caregivers or the facility if they need to move,
The emotional drain on you as you make sure they are being taken care of,
If you have siblings, how will the work, the care and the finances be divided – and any conflict that may arise
How can I retire? My kids still need help and support, including financial, as they make their way through college and find their feet in their careers. Sometimes children return home after college before they get that job that will allow them to become independent. Or when they are in college they decided to go to school nearby so they could live at home so they are still there and needing you.
The best of worlds is that your parents are healthy, both mentally and physically, enjoy their home and have the financial resources for everything they need. Unfortunately, this is not always the case.
If your parents are still alive and active, now is the time to have a family meeting about the future and what they have planned. If you have siblings, they need to be there also. And of course with technology, if everyone lives apart, you can all come together online.
The hard questions need to be brought up and answered:
· Do your parents want to stay at home?
· Are they willing to move to a facility so they can be cared for if necessary?
· If you do not live close to them, are they willing to move closer to you? Or are you or one of your siblings willing to move to be closer to them?
· If you have siblings, is there one of you who is clearly the one that will be there to provide care for them – not only does that sibling live close to your parents, but is fine with taking the time to do so. This might mean your brother or sister giving up their job or cutting back their working hours. That in turn can have an impact on that sibling’s finances, so how will they be compensated for that?
Caregiving can be a full-time job. Doctor’s visits, grocery shopping, food prep and ensuring that they eat. Their everyday needs such as bathing and taking medications on time, helping with socialization, mobility, entertainment and more.
If you have a career, and particularly if you have children, taking care of your parents can put you over the edge.
One of the first things to consider when taking on caring for your parents is how you will take care of yourself.
How do you juggle your career and your caregiving. It is a balancing act but it doesn’t have to be overly stressful if you take the time to consider all the moving parts and how you are going to fit them into your day and week.
If you are thinking of retiring earlier than you otherwise would have to take care of your parents, what is the impact on your finances? Talking to a trusted financial advisor is essential as they can work out scenarios with you that show whether you can retire completely, move to a part time position, or perhaps return to work a few years from now.
Are you resentful at having to do that? Is this what you think you “should” do? Do you feel that a sibling should be doing it instead of you? Or that your siblings don’t realize just what you are giving up? Resentments have a way of infecting us and making us miserable, and those around us, so it is useful to acknowledge them and work through them. You would do much better at supporting your parents by staying at work if that’s what you really want to do. When you are making the decision based on love, things have a way of working out. When they are based on resentment, everyone loses.
It is important to remember that for a retirement that is successful, there are 5 F’s to plan for:
Finances
Fulfillment
Friends & Family
Fitness
Fun
If there is anything missing in any of these categories, your life will not be the pleasure that you hope for.
You might need some support in incorporating them into your design for retirement and caregiving. If you do, send an email to me at pfield@coach4women.com, or just set up a call so we can discuss how I can support you Click here to book a video call
SeniorLifestyle.com offers a list of useful Resources:
Associations and Organizations
AARP – This well-known advocacy organization for seniors also provides resources for family caregivers. Articles and ideas are available to help caregivers.
Adult Children of Aging Parents – This organization provides information, resources and support for adult children caregivers of aging parents.
Aging Life Care Association – Formerly known as the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers. This site explains how aging life care professionals can help with common age-related challenges, and provides a directory to help you locate a professional. These professionals usually have to be paid out of pocket, but they can be a huge help for families providing care at a distance, or just if you need extra help problem-solving.
Alzheimer’s Association – Find out how to identify Alzheimer’s and other dementia, and find support for caregivers, at this association’s website.
Caring Connections – From the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization, this site offers a wealth of resources for caregivers and families of seniors.
Family Caregiver Alliance – This group provides services to family caregivers of adults with physical and cognitive impairments, such as Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, stroke and other types of dementia.
Family Care Navigator – A resource from Family Caregiver Alliance, this page helps connect you to essential family caregiver resources for your state.
FCA CareNav – A service of Family Caregiver Alliance, this site will connect you with a personalized dashboard with tip sheets, videos, classes and other resources for family caregivers.
Independent Transportation Network – This nonprofit transportation service provides rides for non-emergency purposes to older adults for a membership fee.
Meals on Wheels Association of America – This program provides nutrition to seniors throughout the United States. A search on the site will help you locate one of more than 5,000 senior nutrition programs in the nation.
National Alliance for Caregiving – This advocacy group supplies caregivers with tip sheets, podcasts, publications and websites on a variety of topics.
National Council on Aging – This group is an advocacy organization helping older Americans and their caregivers. Among its services is the BenefitsCheckUp, which identifies programs and services seniors are eligible for.
National Elder Law Foundation – This organization’s site includes a feature to help you find a certified elder law attorney near you.
Blogs and Websites
AgingCare.com Caregiver Forum – This active caregiver forum is a good source of emotional support and ideas for navigating common challenges of caring for elderly parents.
As Our Parents Age – A blog by educator Marti Weston, she shares her thoughts on living with aging parents, along with some advice for adult children caregivers on such topics as falls, Medicare and COVID-19.
Caregiver Stories – This blog maintained by the Family Caregiving Alliance shares caregivers’ stories, including the experiences of adults caring for aging parents.
Caregiver Warrior – Blogger Susanne White shares her experience caring for her late parents, and has maintained her site as a resource for other caregivers.
Daughterhood.org – This caregiving site aimed at women caring for aging parents features groups, ideas and a blog.
Lotsa Helping Hands – This free caregiving coordination service provides a private group calendar where caregivers can post tasks that friends and family can help with. The site also has an app (see below).
Senior Lifestyle blog – Our blog offers articles on resources for caregivers, resources for seniors, facts about senior care communities and more.
Government Resources
Administration on Aging – This agency administers many national programs and services for seniors, including elder abuse prevention, free health insurance counseling, help with long-term care planning, and legal assistance.
Americans with Disabilities Act National Network – This site provides information, briefings and free publications on the regulations granting universal access to the disabled and their caregivers.
Benefits.gov – Make sure your elderly parent is receiving all the benefits available. This site has a comprehensive Benefit Finder tool that provides information on federal, state and local programs across different agencies.
Department of Veterans Affairs – Here is a range of help for military veterans or the surviving spouse of veterans. The VA site also offers Caregiver Support for aging veterans’ families.
Eldercare Locator – In partnership with several government agencies, the Administration for Community Living offers this site that can help elders and their caregivers find services, transportation, housing and benefits along with tips and other resources.
Healthfinder.gov – From the Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion, this site helps you identify which screening tests and vaccines your loved one may need.
Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act – While HIPAA protects medical information, it can make it hard for family and caregivers to access the information they need. The HIPAA website can help caregivers obtain authorization forms to share medical details.
Medicaid – Find out more about the Medicaid benefits your elder parent could be qualified to receive.
Medicare – This is the site for the federal health insurance system for elders and those with certain disabilities. Along with information about obtaining Medicare, you can find information for family caregivers.
National Association of Area Agencies on Aging – This site from the U.S. Administration on Aging has general information about eldercare and can give area-specific referrals to aging-related programs and services.
Supplemental Security Income – Find out how the SSI program can help you get a larger monthly benefit for your elderly parents.
U.S. Senators and U.S. Representatives – Every senator and many congresspersons have staff specialists on elder affairs or services that can help you and your loved one.
Apps
CaringBridge – Keep track of your loved ones and connect with family caregivers and supporters. You can share information on your personal site. (Apple)
Caring Village – This site helps family caregivers coordinate and keep track of their elderly parents’ care. There is a charge for this service. (Apple) (Android)
Lotsa Helping Hands – This app pairs with the Lotsa Helping Hands to create a community of support around your loved one. Invite family, friends, caregivers and others to share in your journey. (Apple) (Android)
Medisafe – This app can help you track your parents’ medications with reminders and information on interactions, along with other helpful facts. (Apple) (Android)
MindMate – Find a daily activities plan that can help your aging parent keep mind and body fit. (Apple)
PainScale – This app can help you track and manage an elderly loved one’s pain. A diary of pain, medication, activity, mood and sleep quality can generate a report to be shared with medical professionals. (Apple) (Android)
Sanvello – This app is especially for stressed-out caregivers. Quick activities, clear goals and community support help you address the anxieties of caring for aging parents. (Apple) (Android)
Symple – This app helps you journal your loved one’s feelings and monitor their health. Track well-being, steps, meals, medications, sleep and overall well-being. (Apple)
