Being Single and Retired
Being single and retired brings some unique challenges. Although it is by far from the only element of retirement to be planned, the financial aspect is perhaps the one that is of most concern, particularly in knowing when you can retire, and the kind of lifestyle you will have when you do.
The good news is that we have a longer life expectancy, so when considering your finances, you will need to plan for many years – 30 or more depending on when you will retire.
Will your retirement savings and pension support you in the lifestyle you want? As women, on average, we have earned less than men over the course of our careers, which may mean you have less money saved for retirement and may need to work longer.
Social Security benefits based on your work history will be one of the factors. If you were married, your benefits could be based on your former spouse’s work, whether you are divorced or a widow. Working with a financial expert such as a Wealth Manager or Certified Financial Planner can help you understand how Social Security works and how to maximize your benefits.
As we age, we may face higher health care costs, including the possibility of long-term care. Although this is not unique to single women, this is a consideration that may play a bigger part in your planning because you do not have a spouse or partner to help share these costs.
Who will inherit your assets when you pass away? This may not be such an easy question to answer if you do not have children or other family members to whom to leave your estate.
When you have worked through the financial issues of retirement, there are some other major questions that need to be answered. Perhaps the most important of which are what will you do and with whom will you do it.
Despite, or because of being single, the “with whom” piece is a critical issue. After retiring from work, there may be less opportunities to interact with others on a daily basis than while working. You lose the social connections you had at work: in meetings, over coffee or a quick lunch in the cafeteria, or with clients. These connections provide a sense of purpose and belonging, and their absence can lead down the road to isolation unless steps are taken to create a new set of connections.
Not only do we lose the work connections, friends move or pass away, children leave the area, resulting in fewer opportunities for connecting with others.
Health and mobility issues may make it difficult to attend social events and be as active as you have been; hearing or vision loss may make communication more difficult.
When we retire, the salary spigot is turned off and we may find ourselves with reduced financial resources to allow us to engage in social activities, such as traveling or going out to eat. To address these issues, there are a variety of ways we can stay engaged:
Volunteering:
Volunteering is a great way to meet new people, find purpose and meaning, and stay active in the community. One organization that specifically identifies opportunities for those over 55, is VolunteerMatch.org. No matter where you live, what your interests are, or how many hours you want to give, there is a volunteer opportunity that you can access through this very robust site.
Joining clubs or groups:
Joining a club or group that aligns with your interests can be a great way to meet new people and engage in social activities. Like to read? Consider joining a book club – or creating a new one yourself. Have a particular hobby, such as birding – there are a great many groups throughout the country. Like to dance – google the type of dance you like, and the area in which you live, and there will no doubt be some listings of groups that will be worth looking into.
Taking classes:
Many colleges and community centers offer classes for seniors, ranging from art and music to fitness and technology. This is a great way to add some structure to your life, and meet more people who have similar interests.
Travel:
Before we retire, a lot of people dream of traveling the world, or at least to a few countries they have yet to explore. Many tour groups and travel programs cater specifically to senior women, or if you prefer a more diverse age group, there is bound to be something available wherever your next adventure calls.
Another aspect of travel is volunteering or working abroad – teaching English as a second language; mentoring students or adults; working with the Peace Corp, and more.
Opportunities, ideas and possibilities are seemingly endless. All it takes is the desire to make the most out of your life, stay engaged and connected, and enjoy the sense of purpose, meaning and belonging that these things will bring.
Let’s take a look at a sampling of what some single women from the social media site Quora have to say: (some are abbreviated for clarity)
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I am 76 years old, and have lived alone since my son went off to college, 30+ years ago. I am never lonely. I like to sleep when I want, eat what and when I like, and read or write all day undisturbed. I connect with my next door neighbor every day so that we know that we both are okay. We have each others keys, and she has my son's phone number in case of emergency. My landlord helps if I need repairs or an overhead lightbulb replaced. I buy LED light bulbs so they don't need to be replaced very often. My grocery store and pharmacy are in walking distance, and I use a shopping cart. I have heavy items like cat litter delivered. My cat gives me plenty of companionship and lots of entertainment. My son and his family live about 15 miles away, and if I have a medical procedure where I need to be picked up, he or my daughter-in-law does it. Same if I need to be picked up from the airport. Otherwise, I use public transportation to medical appointments. I'm considering getting a cellphone so I can use Uber, and for emergencies. I have a computer, a kindle, and a television, so I can stream music and movies if I want to. I get books on Kindle, and occasionally go to the library. I connect with out of town family and friends on Facebook. I enjoy life.
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At 77, I love my house, my yard, and my pool. I hire people to help maintain these amenities. If something needs to be fixed, I call a handyman. I enjoy my neighbors’ company. I enjoy the company of my son, who lives a few minutes’ drive down the road. I enjoy the company of my dog, who never (well, rarely) talks back. I make friends down at the church, ingratiate myself with staff at my favorite gourmet grocery store, walk in the neighborhood, hike, and waste inordinate amounts of time on Quora.
The only time I miss another person is when I just want to chat to someone. Nothing in particular, just comment on every day things. Then I would like somebody here, but not under any other circumstance. If I could hire a chatty person for an hour or two a week, I would. Other than that, I manage quite happily on my own.
There’s alone and then there’s lonely. I am 66 and live alone. However, when I moved to this area—where I have no family and knew no one—I started joining clubs that interested me. I belong to two book clubs, the Jane Austen Society, a Star Trek group, and a classic film group. Most of these meet once a month and there are occasionally activities. Yesterday was the Star Trek meeting, which is at a steakhouse where we have dinner after the meeting. Today I saw a play with the Jane Austen Society. Sometimes my apartment complex organizes events. There are hiking groups and birders and gardening groups and college alumni groups and Big Brothers or Sisters and soup kitchens. Many people join churches. It can take some time, but there are certainly plenty of ways to meet people—and I didn’t even mention online dating yet!
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I am 71. I am single by choice. I love being single. I live alone and yet I am never lonely. I have a great life and great friends. I live in a wonderful city and travel quite a bit. I retired to Argentina , one of the greatest things I ever did for myself. Today, I have a private tango lesson in the afternoon, then for merienda, where I meet friends for drinks on our favourite patio overlooking a beautiful park, then around 9:00 I will be at a free concert. I love my life.
I do believe that it’s also important to understand that just because you may surround yourself with activities and other individuals, it doesn’t mean you won’t be lonely. …although my days are busy - it certainly doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely. But I do believe that just keeping busy is only a part of the equation on combating loneliness. For me, the solution is to be involved in a meaningful project. Doing something for a specific cause and/or of specific interest. I think when you are so busy thinking and doing for something outside of yourself - that “project” gives your life meaning and in turn helps you to combat loneliness.
This “project” doesn’t necessarily have to involve other people. If you were interested in writing - you could work on writing your story, start or contribute to a blog, work as a freelance writer, contribute to journals, etc. If you love animals, you could volunteer at pet shelters, work as a pet sitter or dog walker, etc.
Whatever you may be interested in or think you may be interested in, find a project that allows you to contribute somehow through that interest to others - humans or otherwise. At least, that’s what works for me.
When you are ready to tackle questions like these, there are ways we can help. We have Feisty & Fearless Over Fifty Circles and Personal, one-on-one coaching.
With membership in Feisty & Fearless Over Fifty Circles, and with Personal Coaching you will
Identify just what you want your retirement to look like
Relief from the uncertainty of retirement
Effective tools and information to move forward
Questions that may seem intense, and will bring forth transformative answers
Tasks to take on between each session to help you achieve the results you are looking for
Build a life of joy, fulfillment and satisfaction
A roadmap for Living the Good Life
If you would like to find out more and set up a free, initial call, send me an email at pfield@coach4women.com
